Sometimes the actions of gross dweebs cross a line. I don’t believe in capital punishment. No, you shouldn’t actually die for nerdiness-related crimes, but sometimes a sort of execution should be staged anyway. You should be marched down a sort of death row. You should be made to say your last words. Your crying family members should sob, and you should be lifted in the air by two grave-looking high school football players in varsity jackets, turned upside-down, and ritualistically dunked in a toilet until something inside you dies.
And first up should be whoever paid almost a million dollars for Jensen Huang’s leather jacket.
It pains me enormously to inform you that, yes, someone paid $960,000 for a Tom Ford leather jacket previously worn by Nvidia co-founder and CEO Jensen Huang at a 2023 Foxconn event. I guess that probably means this event. The diagonal zippers on Huang’s jacket in that clip match the ones on the Sotheby’s online listing for the Huang jacket. So yeah, they bought that when they could have bought this five-bedroom house and had money leftover for a car.
Brahm Wachter who heads a division at Sotheby’s called “modern collectibles” told CNBC, “The response to this sale surpassed even our highest expectations.” Even Sotheby’s thinks this person overpaid.
To be clear, I do agree that it’s worth preserving one of Jensen Huang’s leather jackets—not because they’re necessarily linked with something auspicious, but because they’re, at minimum, confusing artifacts from a tragicomic episode in history. Jensen Huang is one of the main characters of the 2020s AI story, and he wears leather jackets at most of his public appearances. His jacket is not at all like one of Groucho’s cigars, but it’s a little like one of Orson Welles’ bottles of Paul Masson.
Leather jackets are what bikers and the Fonz wear. They’re what female spies and jewel thieves wear in movies. Alongside watches, they’re one of the canonical fetish items for sad men with shopping addictions. If you are cool, a leather jacket will amplify that, but if you are uncool, a leather jacket will triply amplify that.
Huang, who just looks like any midlife crisis dad, is far from the worst example of a cringe leather jacket guy. Blessedly, the vibes don’t suggest there’s a sex thing happening. He claims his wife and daughter are the ones who decided he should wear these jackets, and that is a little bit cute, and helps a bit. And admittedly, he seems to have struggled before he settled on this look. He’s obviously ill at ease in an Oxford button-up, and he looks downright terrible in a tucked-in t-shirt, but black polo shirts suit him just fine, short sleeves or long.
But now, someone has anointed Huang’s trademark style piece as culturally significant by dropping a life-changing amount of money on it, as one would a status symbol bottle of wine or a Bored Ape. Huang’s part in this is now irrelevant. Someone placed that bid, and every possibility as to why is deflating.
Best case scenario, it was some blackpilled, rich irony collector like Martin Shkreli. Or maybe it was some billionaire’s assistant, sent on an assignment to build an AI merch collection, given a blank check to buy some stuff that might be interesting someday, but not too worried if any of it tanks in value. After that it just gets much sadder: A gulf oil tycoon’s failson trying to get Huang’s attention so they can pitch a startup? Some kind of AI true believer planning the National AI Museum? Or, God help us, a Jensen Huang stan? Someone who is, this very night, sneaking into his bedroom with scissors to try and get a lock of his hair?
Whoever you are, please stay hidden. Do not show your face in public wearing your new Jensen Jacket. There’s only so much I can take.
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